just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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