god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
