Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
