dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
