Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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