The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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