first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
