the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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