remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
