I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
