her vagine was all disorganized.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
