There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
