Having a random hookup so left but love u
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
