I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
