girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize