So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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