have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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