What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
