I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I skipped work to stalk him.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
