I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
