i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
