Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just puked most of my soul out..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
