just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
