So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
