my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
