The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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