it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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