I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
