it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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