when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
