Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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