Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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