it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
