If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
