If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
