im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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