I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Fuck appropriateness.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize