Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
