apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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