I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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