it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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