im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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