i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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