I didn't shave. On purpose
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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