Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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