So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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