RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
