my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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