If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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