We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
