I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
