very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
