Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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