my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
