My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I yelled at your uterus for you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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