fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
