1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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