I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
