Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
