I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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