Ambien. No doubt about it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize