Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
