The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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