awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
false alarm, still single
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