That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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