she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
