Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize