I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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