I will die if light touches me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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