I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
