She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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